


How the world works

by nevertrustme



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clarke Leaves, Clarke returns, F/F, Heda Lexa, Lexa Takes Care of Clarke Griffin, alternative end 3x07, wanheda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 01:02:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8512765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevertrustme/pseuds/nevertrustme
Summary: Clarke is mad at Lexa after she told her the ultimatum to stay with her. Clarke returns to the Ark, but Bellamy is missing so she has to go find him.





	1. Travel far, travel often.

**Author's Note:**

> It´s my first ever fanfic. I wanted to point out how deaths can change people. So not much of the romantic between Clarke and Lexa is described. But maybe a little bit at the end of this story. Hope you like it!

 

_„I don't want to know it. You broke my heart, Lexa. There is no excuse for that.“ I yelled at her. I took a step back and looked at her begging face. Those deep eyes I have stared at, so fucking often. Green like a single grass stem caressed from the sun in the morning in spring. Shining because it had rained the night before. I had been falling in love with them over and over again. She begged me to forgive her with that special spark in her eyes. But I couldn't and I wouldn't. Not so very soon._

_For one second I lost myself in the thought that we could have whole conversations only by looking at each other._

_I zoned back in the situation._

_„I´m done.“ I whispered as I turned to face the door. Though I couldn't take any step further._

_„Oso gonplei ste don ba ai don otaim hod in yo, Heda kom Trikru!“ I said. I didn't think. My mind had given up on working three days ago. And the last hour had changed everything again. No. Not everything. Not the way I feel about Lexa. But everything else._

_I felt my heart pounding the hardest, as if it wanted to burst out of my chest and settle down in Lexa´s forever. I wish I could have let that happen. But instead I opened the door and stepped out of her chamber. The door wings closed loudly and as I stood alone I recognised: Not one single tear would come streaming down my face for leaving her like this._

_I lost patience. I lost my heart. I lost myself. In this second I stopped wondering and started wandering._

 

 

_May I start from the beginning? It´s time for me to get this out of my mind. I don't have anyone to talk to, so I guess telling my diary is the best option I have…_

 

_Lexa and I had this wonderful night one week ago. We shared our bodies like only soulmates do. I finally felt free from this pain I had carried on my shoulders for too long. The thoughts of the deaths I had caused. I continuously asked my self why. I couldn't find an answer. It made me sick._

_I wanted to die. The night was awesome, but when the moon stood the highest and Lexa was breathing deeply and regularly by my side, I still could not relax. I got up, wrapped in one of the many covers on her bed. It was almost so thin, it released the sight to my silhouette where I had entwined it only one time around my body._

_Barefoot i walked up to the balcony. It was a cold night and I soon started to feel uncomfortable out there, but the stars looked so beautiful, I forced myself to stay._

_As my mind wandered, I imagined what Lexa would do if I would be killed just tonight. My thoughts darkened. I pictured myself in all the grounder´s warrior gear, standing on the edge of this balcony. It was high but I would not be afraid. Tiptoes slightly over the edge. I imagined Lexa storming into the room. “KLARKE!” no response. “KLARKE, what are you doing? Get away from the edge! Please…” no response._

_I imagined Lexa stretching out her arm for me, to push me away from the death. Too late. She could only feel the breeze from the speed with which the earth would pull me to the ground._

_A cold breeze let me get to my mind again. I realised I wasn't standing in the archway anymore. One millimetre and I could have fallen into the devil´s arms. I didn’t. I marched back to the bed with shivering legs and lied down next to The Commander. She hadn't noticed anything._

 

_It only got worse from this point._

_The next day Lexa had to debate with Titus about me staying as Lexa´s residence. The following days The Commander had to attend to several meetings an reunions._

_Every time I got to see her, she had this concerned expression on her face. It meant no good. Just as I was told two hours ago._

_Yeah, I´ve been hiding in this shitty bunker´for at least an hour now. It´s the place where Finn and I…_

_Another death I have caused. He did not have to die. He was a good guy. I should have saved him._

_The agreement the sky people had made back then did not get them far. So I could also had saved him. I would not change anything at the end. At this point. Deaths over deaths. Maybe Raven could have even forgiven him and they could be together now. If…_

_I have to stop. Stop thinking about what could have been because I fucked up. And I cant make it up to the sky people or the Grounders._

_I am abandoned. From both of them. Kane told me I should leave because some stupid kids were angry with me. I might have been not the best help in the past 6 Months. They deem me as The One who is guilty for all the pain they have gone through. They want to see my head in the loop of a rope, hanging from a fucking tree._

_So since it was not save at the Ark for me either, I decided to visit Lexa. It was two days before the night in which I stood on the balcony. These days I was just happy being with Lexa again, catching up. And then we got attached. Somehow._

_The debates with thousands of people from all of the 12 clans followed the next three days. And today is the day where I had to go._

 

_I wasn't honest with you earlier. They didn't want me gone. Actually they wanted me to stay._

_The delegates of the 12 clans had come to the decision that I, Wanheda, should be their second Commander. The Commander of death. Sure its in the name. But what they wanted me to do was… Brutal. Yes I have killed people before. But not like this._

_The 12 clans decided I would be the right person to decide over life and death. They wanted me as a kind of chancellor. A judge. Who would hear the people out who did injustice and then decide between an repudiation to the forest, or death by a cut from everyone who had been put in pain from that person. When I think about it now it kind of it a decision between death and death._

_Thats not all the 12 clans wanted from me. They said they need prove that I wont run back to the Ark and spit out all their secrets to them. Because those to fronts are still not clear about the lines they want to mark on the map. There are still some fights between single persons or a group of both parties._

_They want Bellamy. They want him to convert to the Trikru. Not as a high positioned person. No. They want his soul and make him their slave. These bastards._

_Bellamy is already broken because Octavia had fled with Lincoln after the big fight was over, half a month ago. And now I am supposed to extradite him just to be accepted as the second commander?! NO._

_Lexa fucking knew what she did to me with this decision, she made together with the other clans._

_She knew I couldn't do it but still wanted to lay this ultimatum before me in front of all the delegates._

 

_Maybe I should be thankful that she came to me to warn me? But still. She had a choice. She is The Commander. She could have stopped this ultimatum. And she didn´t._

 

“You are going to love this place. Its so cute!” She heard a stranger voice a few meters to her left.

Clarke had her aim and she could not be interrupted by some young and naive teenager, bathing in a stupid lake. They were going to find out that there was a water snake in it very soon any ways.

So Clarke kept going and she arrived the gates to the Ark at dawn. 

Abby, her mother welcomed her and hugged her so tight, she couldn't breathe for a second. 

“You look very concerned! Come with me and tell me on our way what is going on. I thought you were staying with the Commander in Polis?!” she immediately recognised the little “butt-crack” on Clarkes forehead between her eyebrows. Abby knew every time she saw it, something was very wrong.

“Despite me not being welcomed here, there is one more thing that is very fucked up.” Clarke responded with a sarcastic voice. 

She looked over her shoulder. Whilst her mother and her were making their way to the Ark, kids and adults were staring and whispering when they saw Clarke passing by. 

The door to Abbys private bay closed. “Where is Bellamy, I need to talk to him. He might be in great danger.” Clarke couldn't held back. 

“He´s one of the outer line patrol this evening. He will be back soon after the sun is down. But why, what has happened?” Abby answered. 

They sat on Clarke´s old bed and looked deeply at each other. 

Her mothers eyes where in not a single way relative to Lexas, she thought. Blue-grey and cold as ice. Though the wisest eyes she has seen in her life.

“The Commander and the delegates of the 12 clans presented an ultimatum for me this morning. Either I get a kind of second Commander-Chancellor-Judge and tell if people who did other people wrong have to die or not AND want Bellamy as their slave, or I have to go. So I left.” Clark sighed as she finished her sentence without breathing in between. 

Abby´s face turned dark. Even her eyes got more grey if that was possible. 

“And now? Do you think because they are mad that you left, they will get Bellamy to pay for it?” 

“I wish I knew Lexa better than that but thats how they survive. Their ways are harsh…” Clarke repeated a phrase Lexa said when they had their first kiss. 

“Jus drein jus daun”

“What, did you just speak grounderish?”

“I learned some phrases. It means `Blood must have Blood´ they truly believe in that so I am concerned about Bellamy. Can you get him on his Walky-Talky thingy or something?” 

“I can try” Abby responded with a nod. 

They got off the bed and went over to the mechanic bay where all of the technic stuff is hand made by Raven. 

Clarke did not feel like meeting her right now, but that was inevitable if she wanted to know if her self-named “brother” was okay. 

Raven didn´t even try to hug Clarke when they arrived. She saw how distant the blond was from a mile away. Instead she just told her she was glad her best friend was okay and did as Abby said.

“I don't get any signal on their frequence.” Raven muttered. 

“What does that mean? You cant contact them?” Clark was upset.

“No unfortunately I cant. But relax they have to be here any minute, their shift ended about 15 minutes ago.” Raven tried to calm Clark down but it didn't work. Clark was too hyperactive for any good words right now. 

“With who is he out there?” Clark asked to keep her mind busy so she would not be able to imagine any worse case scenarios.

“A guy named Paul. He´s smart, Clark. Bellamy has good backup if anything happens.” 

That didn't help either. 

Clarke wandered up and down the bay whilst Raven continued putting things together on her messy desk, and Abby leaving the room because she needed fresh air. 

Seeing Clark so upset after one week of no contact made her sick. She as the hyper protective mother had always the feeling that Clarke was hiding something from her. 

“Open the fucking gate, its Paul!!!” someone shouted from one of the watch towers. 

Its been so loud, that even Clark from inside had heard it. Abby and her daughter changed sights before they started to run. 

Both slightly out of breath when they arrived where Paul had fallen to the ground. His legs had given up. 

There was no blood so Clark figured, he was just exhausted from running. 

Abby and her carried him with two men of the patrol in to the hospital bay. 

Paul got some water first and was then examined by Clarkes mother carefully. 

The reason he had a break down was gladly only dehydration. It could have been worse. 

Clarke tried all the time to not bother and let her mother taking care of Paul before questioning him but at one point her patience broke again. She got to the bed he was just settled on, in two big steps. 

“Where is Bellamy??” 

“Gone”

“What means gone?”

“Dead”

“What happened?”

“10 Grounders attacked us. Took him with them.”

“You were being let go?” 

“Yes. For fun they haunted me deep into the forest first. They stopped when I lost orientation. Found no water.”

“Was Bellamy dead when they took him with them?”

“No not yet.” 


	2. The Grounder´s ways are harsh. But so are our´s...

“I am leaving.” said Clark after storming into Abby´s bay without knocking.   
“Can I have a gun, i only have my knife. I could use a second weapon.”   
“Sure” Abby did not dare to question Clarke´s decision. She was in such a furious mood, she couldn´t have said anything that could have possibly stopped her. 

Clarke left the Ark without one more goodbye, in the middle of the night.

I´m back in the bunker. Its the safest place I know, right now and it marks about the half of the way from Arcadia to Polis.  
I cant believe they took Bellamy. These Bastards.  
I didn't get any sleep and the sun is already starting to rise at the horizon.   
I have to get some rest.

I cant sleep. Fuck, it I have to go and get to Bellamy.

The sun stood the highest as Clark heard some voices not far from her. Though it was in the middle of the day, fog and clouds didn't let many of the sun rays get to the ground though. The light was dimmed and the atmosphere felt like nightfall.   
Clarke reached a camp of grounders. They have built a tent on a circular lift. She spent the whole afternoon sneaking around the glade and figuring out the hierarchy. There was one man, very massive and with a tattoo across his face. He seemed to be the leader at this camp. He ran from the campfire in the middle of the lift, to the little tent, more than ten times. Always with a different guy next to him. Altogether, Clarke counted ten of them and suddenly she remembered what Paul told her: “10 Grounders attacked us. Took him with them.”  
Bellamy had to be with them, probably guarded in the tent.  
She needed time. And she got it. The sun sank and there was no evidence that the grounder would remove their camp tonight.

When the night came, Clarke settled behind a massive Tree. The grounders couldn't see her from their point of view.   
She had just been falling in a very light sleep as a scream let her jump to her feet. She peeked from behind the tree and saw the campfire, now burning in flames and two men standing behind it. A boy was tied up on a fir on the edge of the lift.   
It was Bellamy.   
Clarke could see his olive skin now lightening up in a bright yellow from the flames. Blood was streaming down his face, eyes closed - he was unconscious.  
Clarke observed the two Grounders while they were talking. She couldn't find out, what they were talking about. Both did not use many gestures.   
Clarke was literally dying in side in this moment, she didn´t know what to do. They were ten against one. Just because they kidnapped Bellamy, doesn't necessarily mean they want to hurt him further. The Grounder´s ways are harsh. Bellamy probably just had been a little annoying and thats why he was hit.   
Clarke hoped they would just want him to answer some questions, because she figured the best she could do was hoping. By trying to talk to the Grounders she would definitely get tied up at a tree as well. She was able to help Bellamy in a critical moment much better when she just watched.   
Clarke didn't want to use the gun to cause more deaths.   
Maybe it was risky.   
And maybe it was irresponsible.   
But everything she could think about in that moment was how many lives she had ended in the past. And how she can´t stand the thought that a loved one would be killed or that she would kill someone. Again.  
So she just watched the grounders standing and talking.  
Finally they made a move. One of them took the place on the left from Bellamy and the other, the leader, went to his right side. The left guy hit Bellamy just as hard that he woke up.   
The same man asked him something and Bellamy answered, but obviously his response was not what the grounders wanted to hear. The leader held a dagger in his hand, and cut open Bellamy´s dirty shirt.  
Clarke could see several healed wounds on his chest. Her grip around the gun from the Ark tightened and she bit her lip so she wouldn't start to scream as the grounder with the dagger cut Bellamy right across his stomach.  
Clarke closed her eyes. She did not want to see Bellamy like this. She didn't want to hear him suppressing a cry of pain.  
As she opened her blue eyes again, she recognized the right grounder, rising his hand with the knife and pushing it fast straight into Bellamy´s heart.   
Bellamy´s head tilted to his chest as he gasped for the last time. 

A switch clicked in Clarkes head. Lies, Deaths, Pain, Wounds, Blood, so much blood. Too much. And for what? Nothing.   
A thought rushed through her brain. Its over.

Clark raised her gun. It was an automatic with iron sight, one of the best from the ark.   
She focused on the right grounder first and shot. She hit in his forehead. Fast she moved over to focus on the left grounder who tried to understand what just happened. Clarke shot again in the head. He didn't have two seconds to react.  
She got up and ran over to a different spot to shoot from. Three grounders exited the little tent. They took barely three steps into their death. Clarke shot them before they could have figured out what had happened. More blood.  
The next and last five grounders were cleverer but they also had no chance to survive. Clarke took them down one by one when they tried to get to a near by tree to hide. More blood.  
Although she knew they were all there were, she rested another five minutes at her hiding place.   
With nothing more than the feeling that she needed to kill more.   
She needed more blood. 

Slowly she made her way over to the glade. She saw the grounders, laying on the ground, covered with blood.  
She moved on and stopped a centimeter in front of Bellamy.   
Clarke grabbed his chin and let him look at her. His eyes wide open from fear.  
She asked her self why. And for the first time she did not need to know the answer.   
She asked her self what she felt. And for the first time she could honestly say that she did not feel anything. And that felt so good.   
A smile made its way on Clarke´s face.   
“You were my brother. And now you are only a dead body. How fast everything can change. Funny.” Clarke whispered. She let Bellamy´s chin fall down on his chest again.   
She turned her back towards the dead boy and made a few steps into the centre of the glade.  
“Bellamy fucking Blake.” Clarke turned to face the body, still tied to the tree.   
“You thought you were clever?!” She shouted at Bellamy. And then she laughed and she could not stop.   
“You thought you could be a hero. Maybe even my hero. You know what you didn't see, you genius? That you fucking killed yourself by saving me!!!”  
Clarke took her dagger out of the attachment on the left leg of her jeans.   
She aimed and hit. The knife made a cracking, disgusting sound as it shattered the skull. But Clarke didn't care.  
Clarke´s mind wasn't working anymore. She didn't think, she didn't feel.   
Everything she could believe in was revenge.   
Clark left as soon as she realized who the one was who did all of this to her. 

I knew it at one point of my life. Regret is something I cant allow myself. Guilt is not relevant. Feelings distract. Emotions make weak.   
Now that I don't have all of these thoughts in my mind anymore, I finally can concentrate and see clear. Everything that is important, everything that I need is payback. Revenge.   
I want The Commander dead. I want The Commander to see me in the eyes and realize what she did to me.   
I want Lexa to suffer.

Not a single tear ran down her face when she wrote in her diary that night.   
Desperation drove her crazy.

Clarke used the grounder´s tent to get rest that night.   
She didn't sleep so she left already in the morning hour when the sun wasn´t even up yet.  
The earth still freezing from the cold night, orange and brown leaves as well as a thousands of fir needles building a carpet, making it hard to see where the uneven ground had its traps.   
Clark was tired and hungry and thirsty but it did not hinder her to get to Polis hardly after the sun had found its place in the sky.   
Clarke had to leave her gun at the archway to Polis. It was too massive to hide. Earlier she left her dagger in Bellamy´s skull. She was unarmed, but she didn't care. She did know good enough how many weapons Lexa had laying around her chamber. Clarke thought it was ironic to kill her with her own knife. Straight into her heart.   
It is nothing less than fair. She broke my heart. And I will break her´s.  
As Clarke reached the outer area of Polis, she was welcomed by a few farmers. They recognized her as he walked by, although she was wearing her dirty, black cloak, the hood hiding her face.   
She didn't respond.   
Soon she got to the entrance to the tower where Lexa resided. Clarke met Titus on the last doorsteps to the tenth floor.   
“Wanheda! What an honor. May I convey your wish to the Commander as I will see her in the next gathering, at lunch?” Titus asked with a very forced smilie on his face.  
“Thank you Titus, I wish that you tell her to join me in her chamber as soon as possible. I will be waiting.” With that, Clarke marched off and disappeared behind the next corner of the hall.  
She walked straight up to Lexa´s room and opened the doors.   
Nothing has changed. There were candle standing everywhere. The sofa, she once was drawing Lexa on, when she slept. The bed with dozens of covers and furs. The archway to the balcony.   
Once again Clarke walked out on the platform. A fresh breeze let her breathe in deeply.   
She remembered the night. And she remembered what she felt. But now, all she felt was the wind playing with her shining blond hair.  
As she wandered up and down the chamber, she saw Lexa´s knife laying on the couch. Clarke took it and put it in the attachment on her leg.   
She smiled.


	3. Light up, little candle, and show me your way

It was the early afternoon when Lexa walked through the doors and looked around her chamber. No Clarke. 

Suddenly someone grabbed her from behind, holding a dagger to her throat. 

“Did you miss me?” Clarke´s voice whispered in The Commander´s ear. 

“I heard of your arrival.” Lexa said with a steady voice, not moving yet. 

“It wasn't nice to let me wait for so long.” Clarke answered in a deep tone.

Lexa has had enough of her little game. She took Clarke´s wrist and twisted it with one hand until she let the dagger fall to the ground. 

The Commander turned around and looked in blue eyes. But these were not the eyes she knew. Lexa felt goosebumps shivering down her spine. 

“What do you want, Clarke?” Lexa asked as she picked up her knife and placed it on the small table in front of the sofa. The Commander took a seat and gestured Clarke to do the same. 

“I wish to kill you, Commander. For what you did to me.” Clarke answered calm, still standing in front of the door.

 

“And why now? You could have killed me many times before, but you never attempted to.” 

 

“You sent your warriors to get Bellamy.”

 

“Do you wish revenge, Clarke? Because that, I cannot give you!” 

 

“Yes, I want revenge. And yes, you can.”

 

Lexa hoped to see something in Clarke´s eyes. Grieve, anger, hopelessness… But she didn´t. 

 

“Clarke, this is not you, who speaks. You are possessed by the demons inside your head. You don't want this. I know you.”

 

“You don't have any idea of what i want or who I am. If you did, you would not have let this happen. The ultimatum and deaths and this fucking “Blood must have blood” shit. If you cared, you would not have done so many things. IF YOU CARED YOU WOULD NOT HAVE KILLED MY PEOPLE! Including me.”

 

“I do care, Clarke! And I do trust you. Bellamy has nothing to fear from me. He never had.” 

 

Clarke now seamed getting desperate. “Did you not listen? He is dead! Your warriors killed him.”

“He was never meant to be eliminated, I did not give any order, nor permission.” Lexa was now the one calm. She thought maybe it would help Clarke to think about why she was here again.

Clarke made one step by step up to Lexa and bit on her lip, before she spoke: “You are a liar. You have always been. You betrayed me. To save your people. You. Are. A. Fucking. Liar. You deserve to die.” 

As Clark said so, she took the dagger from the table and raised her hand.

The Commander jumped to her feet and grabbed Clarke´s left arm, her left hand on the wrist, and the right at her shoulder. Lexa pushed Clarke´s body down, as she pulled the hand on her wrist up and pressed her hand on Clarks shoulder to the ground. With that Clarke released the dagger and turned on her back as she lost balance, falling on the table.

The Commander pulled her up again and dragged her over to the sofa. Her back on the cushion, Clarke stared at Lexa, who was now sitting on top of her, fixing her arms by holding her wrists crossed over her stomach. 

“Listen to me, Clarke.” The now not so heartless Commander said, when she now exactly knew, what was going on with Clarke. 

“I know how you feel. You want to kill everybody who did harm to you because you think it will fulfill the emptiness in your heart. But it won´t. Remember what happened to Finn, when he drove crazy because he thought he had lost you? He shot an entire village down and at the end he hated him self so much that he committed suicide.” Lexa made a short break and breathed heavily before she continued talking.

“Remember when I told you about Costia, my first love? Thousands of people almost died because I loved her. I almost died too… This is not what you want, Clarke. You don't want to kill me or anyone else. Because it does not bring the dead to life again. The dead are gone, Clarke. Let them go. Because if you don´t, you will wake up one day and see what you have done. And you will hate yourself and feel way more guilty for Finn´s and every other death you will have caused, than you already do. I am not going to let that happen to you. I will keep you save if you only let me! Clarke, I care about you much more than you think.”

  
Clarke tried to free herself in the beginning of Lexa´s speech. But while the words got stuck in her head and she noticed she was way too weak to get out of this position, she stopped fighting. 

Not only against Lexa´s grip at her wrists. But also against every tear she had been holding back for so long. 

Sobs suddenly shattered through her whole body. Clarke realized how close-minded she had gotten in the past day. 

Clarke wanted to cover her face with her hands but The Commander still held them tight.

“You are strong, Wanheda. Never forget that. Always believe in you.” Lexa put her weight on her knees, left and right from Clarke for a moment and lifted her hips to sit on Clarks hands.

“Yugonplei ste nou odon!” Lexa whispered and kissed every tear on Clarke´s face dry. 

After a few moments, Clarke calmed down and Lexa let her sit next to her on the sofa.

“I am sorry for trying to kill you.” Clarke said in a very vulnerable voice. 

“Look at me, Clarke.” Lexa answered. 

“Don't be ashamed of your actions. Even if you decide wrong sometimes. You can always learn from your mistakes. You did all you could to save as many of your people as possible. Thats why I… thats why you are you.”

Lexa´s words worked.

Heda and Wanheda sat in silence for a couple minutes. Clarke´s head resting on Lexa´s shoulder and The Commander´s arm holding her tight.

Lexa finally overcame her fear of rejection and slowly moved her hand to Clarke´s neck. With the thumb, she ran over Clarke´s cheek as she pulled her towards her. Green eyes flickering from one to the other ocean deep blue eye and ultimately seeing Clarke in them again. 

The Commander wanted to say something, but her voice broke. Lexa tilted her head down, trying to put words into a sentence. 

Instead of waiting for her to get her mind working, Clarke leaned in and pushed her lips against Lexa´s.

“Only one day and I have missed you already. Only one day and I have lost myself in thoughts of you already. Clarke, will you stay with me for a while? For this evening at least.” The Commander asked breathless.

“I would love to.” Wanheda answered and settled her lips on Lexa´s again. It was such a small and quick gesture, it could have as well been a dream.

“I will lay some clean clothes on the bed. You may want to change into something more comfortable. Now, I have to go and meet Titus to tell him that I will excuse myself from any duties for tonight and tomorrow morning. I will come back soon. I promise.” Lexa stood up and went to her bed, now in haste. She did not want to waste any minute should could be with Clarke.

“Thank you.” Clarke said but could not stand up. She buried her face in her hands as Lexa rushed out of the chamber.

 

_I admire her and I need her. I can´t lose her and I want her. I need her to be with me for eternity._

_Lexa, I love you._

 

Clarke walked over to the bed and looked at the clothes. 

It was a dark blue-grey night-dress. It fitted perfectly. _What else? -_ she thought.

The dress was tight at her chest and had a light corset that ended right above her hip bones but continued under her belly button and closed in a peak. The skirt fell to the ground just like water falls from the cliff of a waterfall. As Clarke stood in front of the mirror next to the bed, she thought that she even had the danger of the gaping abyss in her eyes. 

 

The sun was going down, lights went on and darkness as well as silence settled over Polis.

Clarke found matches on the nightstand and lit all the white candles in Lexa´s chamber. 

**Author's Note:**

> I welcome every comment also critical because I want to get better in writing and I can only do that if you guys tell me what you liked or not. So please leave a comment.


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